On the results page, you may select additional search criteria to locate therapists who accept your insurance or offer a sliding scale fee structure. Rob, thank you for reaching out to share your experience and your pain and yes, your anger. And chances are if an aspie and NT do get along it is just coincidence that the NT likes and wants to do everything the aspie does. On a side note, she does not seem to desire sex much.. once a quarter is enough for her. It was my daughter who alerted me to the likelihood that her father has ASD. I have tried to suggest to him that he may be on the spectrum, but was shut down and not allowed to bring up the subject again as people with ASD are retarded, according him, and he is very smart. He has learned that life is nicer when we can both talk about the things we enjoy. My oldest never was on the receiving end of the cold stares, judgment, and dismissive attitude. I need to create a better separate life for myself within the marriage as it is. However, you refer to something that is very key here and that is the question of getting to know one another before committment in marriage is made. I figure someone whose brain is geared away from relationship would not be interested. They didnt have friends they ate with at lunch. I feel mortified and so ashamed of not only the behavior, but my inability to recognize what it is or the destruction its having on my wife, whom I love dearly. Like I said, he had some awareness that he was sucking me dry and he agreed that he had issues to work through. Do you provide her with things that she could do to help you stay focused/on track? OH is incapable of parenting them, SD has an ED, which OH is complicit with, he simply cannot, will not make her / encourage her firmly to eat. They do this because it has a pay off for them by making them feel secure because while the individual in the partnership has an addiction they are helpless and wont leave. I am so completely done dealing with zero empathy relationships. I had a right to my interests and pursuits. At the beginning he agreed to anything -therapy yes, social and emotional skills training, was considerate, kind, connecting after he felt the relationship was on track, it went back to same old unable to consider my feeling, idea of connection is very superficial connects, stonewalling, blaming, punishing in conflict.I really dont think its deliberate, its a reaction to feeling more comfortable and masking less, but it can hurt an NT. This is my 2nd marriage, I was a single mom for 8 years raising my 2 kids. Oh my goodness; there are so many NT words. Everything is not a disorder. Is that really your pic? I think it is good to try therapy as long as the therapist understands NeuroDiversety. That is why I say that the aspies do know what they are doing . The thing that came as a shock was almost all of the literature I could find assumed the mother or wife was the neurotypical one and the father or husband was the neurodivergent party. It is a type of survival behaviour that many personality types adopt. From what I can see of autistic people, it seems that if something doesnt capture their interest, they just forget about it.
Many of the same challenges arise, though they are often expressed differently due to the differences I just mentioned. Lonely, confused, unloved, unappreciated and unconfident and getting worse each day I have no contact now with 2 of my children, or my brothers and sisters, Ive lost all my friends I went on line to try and find out what was wrong with our relationship, and why my husband always got angry with me, usually when I up brought up things that touched a nerve with him, usually relationship problems I knew also I took a risk because it normally would lead to another almighty row, with a torrent of verbal abuse. I immediately ran to the office to research this so called AS and was so emotionally overwhelmed. (Any child born into that ought to be taken and raised by others imo Id give them no more than a coin flips chance of attending to the childs physical needs, let alone their emotional ones.). She just works and works, and does what she does every day. In my heart, I have checked out of my marriage. My dearest, Willow. So hes cooked meals and enjoyed that immensely. He controlled the finances and and spent uncontrollably, until he was no longer able to pay bills and could no longer juggle numerous credit cards that I was not even aware of. So we did. I would also guess that the conversations here would be very different if AS were in the majority. I might have hurt feeling. Now, should there be more awareness? The joke is he doesnt care, need to do it. I have been with my AS for 11 years he was diagnosed about 3 years ago but refuses to accept the diagnosis. I was very attracted to him and was wondering why was he still single at this age. I have learned a great deal reading here. He has no desire to see my perspective (or cant) until I get upset and then he says I am over-reacting. Thinking of a life without them is causing me pain Ive never felt before. I learned to shut up a long time ago, and only as an adult now with the help of a therapist am I trying to find space where I can be myself. The worse kind is the kind that sees nothing, cares nothing and yet you cant leave them because you constantly hope they will see the light. For example, I will say something like I need for you to kiss me on my forehead everyday because it makes me feel very safe and loved. Im 52 years old and learned two months ago that the characteristics of ASD are coloring my life and having a detrimental impact on not only my marriage, but my relationships with my children, friends, family, and co-workers. This is not something that can be cured. Now that he is gone I am the recipient of radio silence from him as long as he gets his check from me every month (which only lasts one more year) and yes, I had to pay him to leave. Regardless, I am still happy to part with him and not be in the same space. I come from a place of kindness and willingness to learn. Jen, you are fortunate. That may seem unfair, but whether we mean to do something or not doesnt change how other people feel about it. 
He blames me for absolutely everything including his heart attack, affair with my best friend ten years ago and for apparently using hom like a cash cow for years and spending all his insurance money. 1. Are AS husbands truly capable or feeling love in that sense?? His mom developed a defense mechanism of putting the blame on me for not being a helpful and supportive wife. I think it unlikely he would have been deliberately withholding such information from you all these years. Nothing like the blanket statements that you make about everyone of the spectrum. He is undiagnosed, but its obvious. The author may have the best intentions in the world, but unfortunately this article reads like just another oh honey we know hes awful and youre miserable but he cant help it and ITS YOUR JOB TO BE KIND even when doing so hurts you in the process. I am the mother of his two children but he cannot and will not see me as such. Ignored, criticized, stonewalled for 15 years. i can watch for the changes in myself and be sure to take care of myself first ! The outcome is always the same I am the one that feels the pain and hurt. Make this is a daily practice! We meet for breakfast and dinner and have pleasant conversations on topics of interest to him and carry on life roommates. Yes, it is not a stable situation so it is very difficult for me. He invited me to visit him on a couple of occasions but slept in another room, saying that he thought I would be more comfortable as it was so hot. Nothing. Also my relationship with my ex is lovely. Female aspies are not like male aspies. Before long his only interactions with our son was routinely criticising him. They both respect me and are grateful for the things I do for the family. Unfortunately, by basing the entire unhealthy dynamic on celebrating (or not), the writer lost the ability to appeal to a much bigger audience. I was at the end of my life energy. May you achieve peace. We paid much of her tuition each time and now paying student loans. And worse, I had no life experience and no one to talk to about anything. Thank you so much for visiting GoodTherapy.org. My husbands mother is just like my husband thinking that shes better, smarter and more talented than most people, tells lies which suit her purposes, can manipulate peoples perception of her by acting like a victim or be very charming to get her way etc. If someone constantly puts negative things about me/yourself in your head, time to stay away. Rather than treat her ASD partner like an individual, the NT partner has assumed he conforms to some broad social standard (despite having no evidence of that), and his failure to live up to those expectations causes her considerable angst. I pray for my ex husband because I know he meant no harm. We can be. Perhaps if you were to discover the sheer number of outlets there are, online and elsewhere in the real world, for NTs who are receiving medical treatment in order to exist in NT/AS relationships you would see that this is, indeed a very, very real problem. A relationship that felt so lonely anymore. Hmmm..Nope. I am wondering how someone could go that far through life and have never had someone to tell that that look, something is off here and we need to see about getting you some help. What did my crazed Aspergers husband do? You are one of the good ones willing to look at yourself, maybe even adapt -no, stay, just ask her from time to time if she is ok with you, listen to her, love her. All relationships have challenges and we have extra challenges. Real intense. For my own sanity, and 2. He can do no wrong. But that even if a person enjoys something like going to watch football, if a person you care about or love is hurt o4 in any sort of pain then you shouldnt go as you should make sure they are ok. Thats why my father (your grandfather) stayed with me and took care of me because I was in pain and needed to be looked after. Get the right people on board to help you see this through. I suck it up so he wont be bothered god knows I can not handle another major depressive incident and another trip to the psych ward for him. The next day he told me the kids (18 & 14) are seeing my true colors. So dad should have stayed with me and taken me to the hospital and made me food and given me painkillers and if he couldnt do it then he should have contacted my parents.
I feel like Im living out a movie of someone elses lifehow do I get on with my life and how do I stop feeling so crappy about his actionsI still miss him and us (when we were able to be healthy) and I still love him too.does that make me in fact crazy?
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