I remember this from both sides, from the side of the proto-child, seeing my would-be parents, and then years later before my daughter was conceived. This really hit home with me. You get in the car and its dark. Maybe Im giving too much. Make sure it is on a very low volume to not disturb sleep. She has forgotten who she is, like many, if not most, people alive right now. Why should I be upset that she has a better relationship with her Dad? And thats that. I wish you all the best.and I highly recommend a parent coach/counselor/therapist for you. I let them live their best life and Im living mine. I am changing careers and getting a degree in something I love! When we do this, she says we are just horrible and she cant live with us. When she have friends sleepover,she hated having to wear the diapers and rubberpants around them,but they were accepting of her.She didnt fully understand that the diapers and rubberpants kept her bed dry and didnt cause rashes.She now resents me because of it and accuses me of making her like a baby during the bedwetting time! but all of the sudden everything changes, he is very rude and very disrespectful. Most teens are super hormonal (boys and girls) and they cant control their emotions and lash out. PS: I will gladly offer your daughter a loving, accepting place to live. Martin. I have supported my daughter in every way since the passing of her dad, in the recent couple of months my daughter has been getting really mad/angry with me, mostly when I say no to her, then she will call me horrible names. Was falsely accused of abuse and won and now they are back. The best parenting lesson I ever learned, I learned from an angry teenager. Unfortunately, only in our misery promotes the biggest growth in our happiness. Anyone who attacks this person will be the enemy. 6. I dont say that to be insensitive, but the lesson sometimes is for someone else. Take the time to listen and not react. Its really great that you have already apologized for all your bad decisions to your son. Be sensitive to nature and everything around you. Attempt to process your emotions with another adult if you need to, and present yourself as calm, cool, and collected when approaching your teen. Or like you said, eat out or make something I enjoy. It is not always about me. We have been through hell and back these past couple of years. Please keep us posted on how youre doing. I cant ever stop caring for him entirely, and as long as hes happy, Ill be unhappy, and I will also be unhappy if he achieves his dream of erasing me from his life. Our teens want to be treated like adults but dont really know how much is involved with being an adult. You are doing the opposite by not letting her grow. So its time to get in the passenger seat and let your daughter find her own way. After my brother killed himself because he couldnt handle not being loved, I dropped all contact with her. This is a simple one. I have a great relationship with her and always have, but as far as my 13 year old is concerned.I feel like Ive lost a daughter and I dont believe she is coming back. Like the author mentioned, I have been reduced to a sobbing mess so many times. When they say they dont care if you die or not. Recovery is a long exhaustive process. Its a very scary and strange in-between time. As a man I feel defeated and broken. He really felt that channel host help him a lot. Do not ride the roller coaster. Children are people too. The school nurse should have pads for these types of emergencies. Last week I poked up all of his clothingin Ludington stuff he does not wear oftensuits ..belts old no fault of items cloths.pyjamas..everything in his suitcases ND told him with genuine smile thato I had packed all his things for him. The sky is the limit! Everything I ever did wrong until she had me in tears. As a single mother now, I struggle with a teen (16) who used to be a great kid, loving, a reader, listening to great music, from classical to all kinds, playing violin etc. She screams at me that I like seeing her upset, which is so not true. I volunteer and try to make people feel special. He forces me to do everything, im tired of dealing with the emotional abuse. They were also a hit with all the people in the mail room. This is a VERY tough time for them. Its obvious because no one would ever choose to wake up every morning so desperate for their next fix that they are willing to sell themselves for $20. That did not happen often but now, it is the only things he remembers. Even my voice is creepy and disgusting. I have only tried to love her and do right by her. We left the restaurant and I dropped her off to the Navy and hardly ever heard from her. Stress reduction is the key. Surrender your control over her and be more of a supporter. And 2) A change of scenery wrought no miracles in my son, either. Ive noticed since covid started, he completely withdrew from me and his siblings. These things might have devolved into nagging, I will admit. What if something happens to you? We cant control them. Even if he were to drop out of school, still not fatal, so no intervention needed on your part. I too had to pay a weekly rent once I turned 18. Some things need to be kept private. My heart aches as I write this comment. Sounds like your son is already learning some lessons. Dont fight the process. My Dad used to say to us, who the hell do you think you are? Shes been blessed with acceptance into college with many requirements to do before fall. I completely understand that they go through hormones, and school troubles, but honestly I would never have spoken to my mother this way and it seems children dont need to have respect anymore. I dont know. but for my recent two texts, he replied me back (and what he replied I cant even write here) was very very bad language. Parents are just supposed to keep loving them regardless of their behaviour, but my concern is, what if they really dont have the ability to care? Be grateful. Above all else, I just want my children to know that I love them beyond belief and that nothing that they could ever say or do will change that. I too, know the experience of her coming to my room when Im asleep, out of the blue saying: I know what I want to do for my birthday. You have gone through hell and now you are suddenly on your own, feeling traumatised and unloved. You help me make up my mind of not contacting them. Please do this reflection activity: Take an hour, sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and give some thought to the following question: Is diapers and plastic panties/pins worth your relationship with your daughter? This makes us less vulnerable and takes away some of the power they have over us. I decided to change careers and finally get my degree in something I LOVE doing. I love my girls so much. Thats really stressful for a mother. She spent the whole meal telling me all the things I did wrong over the years. Lastly, if you regret something youve done or said to them in the past, make it right. A friend listens more than they talk. If you have a chance to make things right, order will be restored (thats a blessing in itself). What did we do? Remember, its not about you. But you trying to extract joy from another person, only works for a short period before they get tired of you. Shes doing what shes supposed to be doing. Grainne Ryan November 02 2009 04:43 AM My son is 15 and we always had a special relationship. He tries to identify himself with them, for popularity. could be worse, I guess, my dads originally from NYC where I couldnt even afford a whole refrigerator carton on a halfway decent steam grate). On the day I turned her over to the military I took her out for her final meal. Once I started doing this, I saw amazing results. I cried all the way home and wanted to die. Hang in there! Somehow I felt he might not finally make up his mind yet. Ive been living in fear, whether low-level or code red, for the past 6 months or more, but when I hear him screaming out his hatred, and I see his carefully laid out plans to escapeI find it hard to believe he will ever just grow out of this and actually start liking me again, and how will I ever trust him anyway when hes telling (and showing) me now that all his attempst to be nice to me were just because he felt sorry for me and/or was trying to misdirect me? Thats when I found myself. I felt the same way as you. I said, because you are a teenager and thats what teenagers do. He was upset when he found out they cost money (private driving school, since he is not enrolled in the local school there are only a few weeks left, and since he was expelled from his school here theres no guarantee he could even go to another school if he was willing to, which he isnt), and said he didnt want me to sign him up since he wouldnt take charity, but since he also isnt taking any steps towards getting a job, its going to limit his options quite a bit. But only now when I am a mother thinking of how to teach my son about money, I kind of understand why my parents asked me to pay. Explain to him in a loving manner that this is a real life lesson, not a punishment. Please know that your love for your son is good and as mothers, our love for our children no not depend on them. Next will be some of his clutter from his room that I thought remind me he is still here while his room at his dads condo looks like a hotel. As parents its so easy to blame ourselves, and people can forever tell us to keep strong boundaries, but when they are offloading all their crap onto us, really all we can do is be there for them. Its not what we wanted for her, but we supported her in her decision 100%. Because what you will be getting in return is a healthy relationship with your child. I have two teenage sons, my eldest is 16 and has been giving us grief since he was 11. No dispensation for how much i still tried to be engaged and make it fun and loving when i was home with him. Narrowing it down and getting to the root cause of your pain. In every difficult situation, there is a lesson waiting for us. You can subtly guide him by figuring out what he wants to do for a living. Depending on the age where the trauma(s) occurred, they could be stuck at that mentality level. I know this is hard. At least they are kind to pretty much anyone who is not me, but still. Introduce a morning juice as part of starting the day. 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